….tightness, settling down my back. Curl my shoulders in towards my chest as the ache between my shoulder blades is palpable. This body aches this morning. Restless and in love with the crisp softness of cool, flannel sheets in summer. Awaken to birds chirping outside my window, chatting and planning their morning adventures; dashing from power line to power line, wings all aflutter. Steaming oatmeal kind of morning.
After what feels like days on my yoga mat, this morning I decide that the best practice of self-care, now transforming into self-LOVE, is via my bed, a book, crosswords, and a few hours of reading. As I sit at my desk this morning to greet the day, I feel the aches in my side body, the top of my back body and a few remnants from yesterdays anxiety shuddering through my arms and legs. Before I step into this day, there is much to reflect upon from yesterday.
Yesterday was filled with so much LIFE. Potential. Ambition. Lessons. As I soared through my day it began to unravel. I found myself confronting a challenge that I was not expecting. My body began to have a physical reaction to this challenge that presented itself, and immediately I felt as if I was in the throws of an out-of-body experience. On one hand, I was reacting with compassion, concern and understanding for this challenge. How can I support, how can I offer my assistance? On the other hand, I was having my own reaction to the event that manifested in a very physical manner. My belly began to feel nauseous, as I piled the stress into my system. My arms and legs, shuddering with adrenaline, immediately felt fatigued. Holding up my hand which on the inside I could feel trembling, but on the outside it remained still. My mind was racing with thoughts, judgements, concerns and I found I was holding my breath. My chest tightened and there I was in a full fledge panic. I was unable to step back and gain perspective, and see the situation for what it was, a teacher. My judgement and attention was captivated by my own physical reaction, so much so that I was unable to release it. Instead I pushed and shoved the stress into my own body.
I grabbed my notebook and did what I know best, started to write.
After a few hours of phone calls, endless pages of writing, the shuddering had subsided and all was renewed in the world around me. I felt at peace in my body but most certainly felt the repercussions of the previous few hours. My body was calling for rest and silence. As I returned home to unwind and settle down, there was a perspective that I could have never imagined this day would provide me with. This day was a teacher. A teacher in that I was able to see how receiving information when not prepared, can back-fire and become internalized. I am humbled by this experience in that each day is SUCH a surprise. You can plan all you want, but we know that it is all useless.
Plans are worthless, but planning is everything. -Dwight D. Eisenhower
In lieu of my lessons from my day yesterday, I find it all too predictable that after so many hours on my mat, rinsing out, being present in LIFE, experiencing movement and opening in my physical body, only then did this scenario present itself. The universe is a powerful thing and no matter how many times I have read something, it is not only until I am ready to hear it, do I take the lesson from it. It is the gift of yoga that allows these adventures to come to the surface, allowing me to release these parts of myself. Through yoga I can best learn who I am on and off that mat. I find this to be true with all things in life. Each moment is a teacher. Each moment an opportunity to learn, to see…….most importantly to witness LIFE and your reaction to it!
As I lay down to spend my morning reading, I will rest my body. I will stretch and settle in. I will sit in silence and allow my bones, muscles….physical body to rest even deeper. I know that on the other side of fear, struggle, challenge, LIFE there is always……always…..ALWAYS…. RADIANCE!
Here’s to that radiance today!
enjoy this day