silent heartbeats

there was a moment of pause that washed over me today. so much so that i felt I needed to write it down, to capture it, to keep it sacred.

whilst driving in my car, slowly creeping through traffic and other cars I made the slow arching turn off the road to enter into a small town. quirky and eclectic shops lined the street. sunshine and fall leaves framing my gaze ahead as I entered deeper into the town. as the cars ahead began to slow, everything else around me began to become still. it was as if time stopped. LIFE slowed down allowing me to pause and look around. the music volume lowered and my eyes met the bright sun. as my car rolled over the crisp leaves and passed the coffee shops i saw something out of the corner of my eye. the flow of traffic signals and stop signs had aligned me directly adjacent to another car where inside a woman sat crying. at first I was unsure of her outline and what she was doing. inside her car was dark, not much sunlight. i looked away and immediately was flooded with all the moments i recall crying in my car. the safe haven where i often feel no one can hear, see or know me, inside my own personal space. when in fact this ‘vessel’ that is my car is filled with windows and only a small shield of metal separating me from the outside world. in fact my screaming, chanting and talking can often be heard. i would not be surprised if even my thoughts could be heard through the walls of my vehicle. as i sat there, LIFE ceasing to move, i witnessed this woman sobbing into her hands. i felt this woman’s pain, agony and loneliness. i wanted to jump out of my car, signal to her, beep even to show her my smile and sympathetic eyes. i felt as if she was so far away inside of her car, inside herself, inside of her own pain that even my car horn or smile may not be what is part of her journey.

my shoulders softened and the cars began to roll forward, pulling me away from viewing this woman’s pain. i did not want to leave her. i did not want to leave this space. i closed my eyes for only a brief moment and took in a deep breath. i filled my lungs for not only myself but for this woman, to offer her peace, loving kindness and all the tenderness for her to take with her on her journey. as i released my brake slowly the reflection of sunlight met her window and i could no longer see inside, i could no longer see her suffering. i gazed forward and placed both hands upon the steering wheel. there was a sense of peace, stillness and even still a quiet and slow motion of LIFe. suddenly i was back inside my monkey mind and more aware than i had been over the course of the drive.

i drove into the sunset and kept the music low, listened to my own breath and completed the circle of loving kindness to all of those in and outside of my circle. for a moment, a few separate moments i was able to feel the sacred, see LIFE slow, feel breath inside my body, feel the suffering of another. i truly offered peace and blessings. inside i felt a deep connection. i was unsure to what exactly but i knew that it was something that sat close to my own heartbeat.

enjoy this day

~screaming gratitude


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