it started like a tea-pot. there was a stir that i noticed as i became more quiet. the stir began to get a bit louder and I began to feel the vibrations. Starting in my belly at first and moving up into my chest. I stopped knitting. I put down everything and grabbed my pen and journal. before I could find the page, vibrations had already risen to my throat and flowed like a wave over my body. throughout i could feel vibrations. i felt this shift sitting in my throat, constricting and settling. before i knew it my eyes were flooded with tears. my inhale shortened and my exhale lengthened. my arms were charging with sensations and i was unsure of what i was releasing inside my body.
throughout the day I had a recognition of my own energy; a foreshadowing of sorts. i recognized the energy in my body, in my home and most importantly in this universe. i felt small. i felt big. i felt as if i was separate from everyone and connected all at once. there was no clear divide, there was no clear view of anything. suddenly my perspective shifted outside of my body and began to blend with those around me. an image came to me in a meditation that afternoon that i recalled from another time. falling stars. i can remember lying on my back looking up at the stars, hundreds of them falling, my eyes trying to meet each one as it dropped towards to me on the earth. there was this image that felt so familiar to me, felt like home to me, i was unsure what it meant. i let it be. i accepted it was from my past and relished in its memory.
later that same day i took notice of my voice, landing itself on the doorstep of my journal. a voice clearly figuring out what it is trying to convey in this LIFE. silently or aloud. i feel like there is a lot of pretense, a lot of shielding and not coming out and asking for what must be said in LIFE. as i sat knitting in the quiet, i felt my body tense up, strain and close off. i felt the discomfort, sensations of tightness, unaware from where they originated. i continued with my knitting, trying to soften, relax into my body. when i brought my attention back to my physical body, again and again like a practice, did i have to remind myself to soften, to let go with each exhale. inhale and create the space inside, exhale and let go of something, it didn’t matter what.
staying still, staying quiet in some way allowed me to release these vibrations. feeling my heartbeat deep inside under the trembling, under the tears. inside it felt spacious and cool, like the falling stars in the dark night sky. open and vast. unshielded. vulnerable. delicately landing.
sometimes our energy spreads so far and wide. so deep and vast. our heartbeats are there to remind us that we are alive, we are energy, we are all connected.
a universal heartbeat was felt today and for that i am grateful.
gratitude shifts and changes shape, but so easily can i feel its familiar edges
enjoy this day