is it a seasonal thing or…..

Photo by Sarah Dufresne

snowed in. can’t get out. can’t get in. peace. quiet. stillness inside and out. I love the winter.

Last week I was attending  a workshop about ayurveda.  The science of life that I love.  Reminders to eat, drink and roll around in ghee, bathe in sesame oil, scrape your tongue with a spatula, etc….you get the picture.

The teacher started to talk about how your body reacts to each season; your physical body in winter, spring, summer and fall.  She asked, when do these imbalances show up in your body?  before my mind began to summarize the imbalances that I experience I asked the question in a different way.

‘when do imbalances show up in my mental or spiritual body?’

Immediately the word vulnerability came to mind.  I can recall last year at this time when I decided that I was putting roots down when it came to vulnerability.  I decided that it was a word I was going to get comfortable with.  A definition I was going to wring out and seek ways in which I could experience it on a daily basis.  The funny thing, or well I am sure only the universe thinks so, but the funny thing is that when I set an intention and I put it out into the universe it shows up, in a BIG way, and usually not in the manner that I would most be accepting of.

As I tossed this question around in my mind I began to shift my perspective into how resistance, areas of struggle or avoidance show up in a seasonal way for me.  It was around this time last year that I felt as if I had to conquer vulnerability.  It was also over these last few months this year where I have realized that a year isn’t anything compared to the emotional, spiritual depths one must go to in order to ‘conquer’ vulnerability, if ever at all.

Lately I have been struggling with success.  ha!  I know, what is there to struggle with you may ask, but in reality it is a concept that is foreign to most.  There is a quote by Marianne Williamson that I find myself uttering all the time as of late…

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.’

Success, or fear of success has been floating to the surface for me, consequently around the same time as  the little shadows of vulnerability making their appearance.  Who wouldn’t want to be successful?  Who wouldn’t want to get everything they desired, to succeed, to achieve their dreams?   Aren’t success and vulnerability one in the same?  Let me state that last part again, success and vulnerability are of the same animal.  I connect the two, seeing similarities, connecting this deeper way of knowing that all of it, all of LIFE is about the bigger picture.  Living a vulnerable life is living.  Succeeding is to be vulnerable.

Accepting, succeeding, fulfilling, terrified of the mess, but spinning and twirling around in all of it, smiling so brightly, arms out stretched far and wide in the center of it all, in the center of the light of love.  Gathering each lesson, each teacher that floats below the surface, looking forward and pressing on even when it’s into the deep dark.

So the next time the winds change or the solstice comes around, check in, reflect back on the struggles from the years before and ask yourself, what did I need to overcome this season, what will provide me with the ability to stay connected and hear the wisdom.  Trust me, each season provides us with the reflections in life that we need to see.

Choosing to follow my newest favorite lyrics by Jai Jagdeesh from “Light of Love”

‘I am everything great and small. I am the one. I am it all.  I am the light of love.’

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