highway of life…there are many lessons & traffic

Photo by Sarah Dufresne

‘you hunch your shoulders way up, as if that gesture will protect you from future pain.  as if any gesture can protect us from future pain.’ ~j. pastiloff

driving into work the other morning and something shifted in my perspective.  It was one of those ‘aha-Oprah-moments,’ it stayed with me and I am only reaffirming it by writing a post about it.

The notion of technology and its overwhelming presence in our society, in our daily lives, everywhere, can be overwhelming.  I am sensitive to the amount of exposure that we all are surrounded by on a daily basis.  Don’t get me wrong, I text, email and tweet like the rest of them, scroll my news-feed, project on instagram……..but I also find it absolutely necessary to look up, meet the sun’s rays, take a breath, put down the device and have a real friggin’ conversation more often than not.

I tire of inauthentic conversations.  I tire of experiencing life through images, voicemail and texts.  I long to share, connect, listen and create a space for the sounds of transformation.  The wisdom is always there, guiding you, me, us.  A yoga teacher and dear sister on this path of awareness once told me, ‘in order to hear the wisdom, you simply have to shut up and listen.’

As I am driving in the car this early morning I am listening to the music on my radio and I hear the words, ‘be the change I wish to see.’

finally, it clicks!  I mean really clicks!  EMPHASIS: IT REALLY CLICKS!  I stop dead in my tracks.  Literally I stop my car, pull over and I get ‘it’.  I pause to integrate, being careful not to look towards something outside of me to pull me away from this shift.  I toss the phone away from me, turn the music off and keep my attention quiet and inside.  I take a deep breath, relax my shoulders and clear a space.  I grab my pen and paper and begin to write.

…..read on to what I discovered……“it finally clicked.  I get it now.  this desire to live my best life, my most fit, strongest, powerful, authentic, blood, sweat and tears kind of life that I inspire others to lead, I finally get it.  Right now, in this moment, I feel the tug to move away from it, like trying to catch a feather on a windy day, barely grasp-able, you must be patient, calm, otherwise it might float away from you.  I must BE the change I want to see.  This desire, this judgement I offer upon myself, this circus of the monkey mind is all happening at this moment because it needs to.  This chaos that I am feeling inside, this noise, judging, critical voice, is trying to tell me something.

The noise is telling me to STOP!  The noise is telling me to create a space to go where there is quiet and simply BE.  The monkey mind is simply trying my patience to see how far I will go, how far I will stray.  I must create the space that I need.  I must disconnect IN ORDER TO CONNECT!  I must stop texting, stop emailing, log out and take time away from all of it.”

As I sat in my car on the side of the road, I thought to myself, ‘when was the last time someone got pulled over for writing and driving! ha!  what about driving and thinking, driving and living!’

today I step into the unknown.

what does it feel like to be unsure?

I want to sense what is happening.  I want to feel whatever needs to be felt.

when I find that space, I want to stay there in that space.

signing out, for a retreat, creating quiet and space to hear and listen

 

enjoy this day

~screaming gratitude

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