‘you hunch your shoulders way up, as if that gesture will protect you from future pain. as if any gesture can protect us from future pain.’ ~j. pastiloff
driving into work the other morning and something shifted in my perspective. It was one of those ‘aha-Oprah-moments,’ it stayed with me and I am only reaffirming it by writing a post about it.
The notion of technology and its overwhelming presence in our society, in our daily lives, everywhere, can be overwhelming. I am sensitive to the amount of exposure that we all are surrounded by on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, I text, email and tweet like the rest of them, scroll my news-feed, project on instagram……..but I also find it absolutely necessary to look up, meet the sun’s rays, take a breath, put down the device and have a real friggin’ conversation more often than not.
I tire of inauthentic conversations. I tire of experiencing life through images, voicemail and texts. I long to share, connect, listen and create a space for the sounds of transformation. The wisdom is always there, guiding you, me, us. A yoga teacher and dear sister on this path of awareness once told me, ‘in order to hear the wisdom, you simply have to shut up and listen.’
As I am driving in the car this early morning I am listening to the music on my radio and I hear the words, ‘be the change I wish to see.’
finally, it clicks! I mean really clicks! EMPHASIS: IT REALLY CLICKS! I stop dead in my tracks. Literally I stop my car, pull over and I get ‘it’. I pause to integrate, being careful not to look towards something outside of me to pull me away from this shift. I toss the phone away from me, turn the music off and keep my attention quiet and inside. I take a deep breath, relax my shoulders and clear a space. I grab my pen and paper and begin to write.
…..read on to what I discovered……“it finally clicked. I get it now. this desire to live my best life, my most fit, strongest, powerful, authentic, blood, sweat and tears kind of life that I inspire others to lead, I finally get it. Right now, in this moment, I feel the tug to move away from it, like trying to catch a feather on a windy day, barely grasp-able, you must be patient, calm, otherwise it might float away from you. I must BE the change I want to see. This desire, this judgement I offer upon myself, this circus of the monkey mind is all happening at this moment because it needs to. This chaos that I am feeling inside, this noise, judging, critical voice, is trying to tell me something.
The noise is telling me to STOP! The noise is telling me to create a space to go where there is quiet and simply BE. The monkey mind is simply trying my patience to see how far I will go, how far I will stray. I must create the space that I need. I must disconnect IN ORDER TO CONNECT! I must stop texting, stop emailing, log out and take time away from all of it.”
As I sat in my car on the side of the road, I thought to myself, ‘when was the last time someone got pulled over for writing and driving! ha! what about driving and thinking, driving and living!’
today I step into the unknown.
what does it feel like to be unsure?
I want to sense what is happening. I want to feel whatever needs to be felt.
when I find that space, I want to stay there in that space.
signing out, for a retreat, creating quiet and space to hear and listen
enjoy this day