as i sit here and begin to unravel from my day…..i listen. i listen really closely to the sounds around me. i listen to the conversation that is carrying on inside my head, the obligations i feel i must uphold, the simple responsibilities of everyday life. take a shower, make my bed, finish the numbers for work. i hear the birds outside, the laughter and conversation outside on my back porch. i feel my tummy rumbling and i feel the strain in my shoulders and back from my poor posture as i sit at my desk.
this is it. this moment right here. this is life. a full day of sunshine, rain showers, cooking outside with family and friends. a full day. i awoke this morning with dreams and questions. i met my mat quickly and moved my body. distracted and impatient i opened and explored hurriedly. i dove into cooking and creating, aware of nothing else. after a meal and conversation, doting and coo-ing over a new being in my world, i found myself separating from the crowd. i did my best to stay present but now, only now am i hearing my exhale. i cannot remember taking one breath on this day. i cannot remember any moments of centering, stillness or calm. the day breezed by and so did my attention, awareness and mindfulness.
like this day, hurried and impatient, full and captivating, so too can life be. there is sunshine and happiness. there is rain and dark clouds, sullen moods and angst. there is ooh-ing and ahh-ing at life and there is separation from the noise, the challenges, the opportunities and from one self. there is often so much going on that it becomes easy to forget to breathe. often i find myself holding my breath more than exhaling. there is always the drumroll, the building up of anxiety, tension or fear and never the big finale.
today i am grateful for the awareness i sit in now, in this moment. i am aware that i didn’t once listen to my breath today. i am aware that i have only heard it now for what seems like the first time. sure there was in and out breath today, but there was no intentional breath. there was no breathing in peace, breathing out tension. there was no filling up and emptying completely.
today i am reminded why i do the work. why i cultivate awareness. i know that when i pay attention the details in life sparkle. the moments are richer. the peace i feel is palpable. i know that when i am conscious of my breath i am able to be my best self.
present. aware. kind. and grateful.
oh beauty is this life and this journey.
enjoy this day