its in the giving that we receive

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i am a giver.

how do i move into the space of being a receiver?

the inquiry, the exploration of vulnerability, the ‘work’ lies within stepping into this space.

as i ponder this, reach out, ask for support, i sit down at my desk.

i click shuffle on my playlist and suddenly Sarah Mclachlan sings sweetly that ‘for its in giving that we receive….,’ in her prayer to St. Francis.  okay universe I hear ya. i hear ya loud and clear, but still i feel as though more often than not i give so much of myself that i often am working overtime to reconfigure my balance of giving and hardly receiving. balance? yea me balance.

gratitude finds me easily, or i find it rather……easily. i have cultivated most if not all of the 24-hours each day around being awake, mindful and acutely aware of the present moment. of course there are stumbles and lazy feet days, but mostly my practice is to stay in the present. i am curious about connection, how the universe works and how everything falls gracefully into place when you listen.  the practice of gratitude has brought me this gift.  ahhh intuition. intuition, that’s where this receiving came into the game. my gut, my instinct is telling me that i am giving too much, that i must find a way to use my energy to support myself and not only return to a balance but to begin to cultivate a relationship with this balance.

today it came to me. i know that upon giving you must never have expectations of getting anything back in return. never. you must offer, pray, give, share, support without any expectations. i think back myself, and can recall conversations that i have shared with those close to me in my life; i do my best to be present, listen and hold the space. even in my listening i am giving. even in my listening i am unable to receive. i am unable to receive whatever words of grace, wisdom, learning that they are sharing with me.  i am offering back before i even give myself the chance to receive.

so the question becomes, how do i cultivate the practice of giving and still showing up for the receiving?

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offer no response but my presence, simply smile. offer no support but my presence, simply listen and hold the space. offer my presence. perhaps even creating a log or journal of sorts at the end of each day…..what did i receive today.

focusing on the inquiry brings it closer to the light.

hmph…… interesting how life shifts and changes, how lessons ebb and flow. powerful is this practice of living. powerful is this practice of asking questions. powerful is this awareness of gratitude that brings beautiful gifts into my life.

there is nothing else but gratitude for the opportunity to have conversations such as this.

enjoy this day

~screaming gratitude

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