presence & planning

when life is FULL……

when does FULL shift into surrender?

i spend time organizing my schedule and planning out adventures and self-care.  i do all of this planning so that when i arrive where i need to be, i can really arrive. sometimes in the moments of arrival, i find myself still caught up in the planning and organizing that i miss out on the present moment. the preparation doesn’t necessarily warrant the gifts automatically, one must choose to shut off and choose to be present.

life is funny this way. we plan. we connect with people. we share who we are. right now. we DO. we get BUSY. we become, or i become, so infused in life that i sometimes miss the beauty of simply being who i am.  i have spent many years cultivating a practice of mindfulness and yet, of course yet, there is always more work to do. sometimes i lose the awareness of self. sometimes i forget to reap the benefits of all the work that i do, that i get swept up in the details.

the word presence has been kicking around in the forefront of my conversations lately.  does one always bring their presence wherever they go?  i think about this a lot. i have been recently trying to make more of a conscious effort to do this, mostly in part by ‘sitting’ with people in my life; ‘sitting,’ meaning meditating.  i have been trying to cultivate this beautiful practice of simply being in a new way.  for years and probably for many more years, i have always said that i could sit on couches and drink tea with those i care about, those i am curious about, for a lifetime.  i love the idea of asking those deep questions, learning about your back story and what experiences this life has taught you.  to be a reflection……i simply adore this idea, that we are our own best teachers and everything we see is simply a reflection.

as of late i have been tossing this idea around that being silent with one another is so much more powerful than sharing in that cup of tea and conversation.  when i connect with someone, there is this voice inside of me that tells me to ask them if they want to ‘sit’ together.  ask them if they can share in 5 minutes of being in one another’s company, in silence. sometimes i listen to this voice and other times i go down the cycle of being a burden or ‘that’ll sound weird,’ route, and find myself sitting alone.

during my vipassana practice there is a point during the course when the assistant teacher calls you up to the front of the hall with a few of your peers and check’s in.  at the end of the sharing, we all sit together, in a more intimate space for a few moments.  it is the most beautiful way to speak, to share and to BE with others thru this silent presence.

it is within these few moments that i sit with another being that i truly am able to BE.  i can settle more softly into myself and truly bring my presence.  it feels like sharing a lifetime with someone in these few moments and suddenly all the ‘catching up’ and small talk no longer seems relevant.

silence is the greatest gift.  a delicate boundless exchange of energy.

enjoy THIS day, enjoy those around you, enjoy the moments when you get to share in some one else’s presence as well as your own, in whatever way it shows up for you,

~screaming gratitude


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