I am an over-packer.
there is something about going out-of-town that puts fear into my belly.
the first initial hundred miles are easy breezy. then suddenly when it appears as if I have entered into unfamiliar territory, something in my belly starts to turn.
suddenly I am calling out for comfort, ease and a familiar neighborhood.
i watch myself phone friends, listen to familiar music, try to ground myself in what I know.
flashback…….after high school I moved away to college; after that I moved away further for a job, and again further for freedom, and then finally across an ocean.
it has never held me back, anxiety. there is a relationship with the unknown that is unpredictable, this much i know. the more i explore and wade in the unknown, the more I am able to settle, ground and acclimate. the less i explore, show up curiously, the more i allow that fear to spread and dig its claws into me. instinct tells me that I have to consciously bring that ease, peace and comfort with me where ever I go, sometimes I even have to pack it. I have to choose to self-soothe. I have to drive down unfamiliar streets. I have to allow myself to be curious, to get familiar with the unknown…….swim around in it and recognize that there is more freedom in the unknown than in the neighborhoods I call home.
as temporary as vacations are, there are boundaries within them that make it feel permanent, and sometimes I get lost there. I lose sight of possibility, fresh eyes, new places and search anxiously for the norm, common, usual way of being.
all in all, there has to be adventure. if i never stepped outside, how would I know to inquire about those feelings in my belly as I drive down the coast, or take off in an airplane. we choose to believe that parts of life are permanent, unchanging, silly us. it is adventure that reminds us that everything is temporary, the earth, people, nature, everything is always changing, even us.
the gift in all of this is that at some point during the unknown experience, excursion or adventure, I see myself suddenly mold into the place around me. I suddenly allow myself to flourish and let go. the puzzle pieces suddenly fit, they are smooth and ideal for where ever I am.
in life where ever we go, there we are. so often we forget that, or at least I do.
everywhere I go, there I will be. perfect, eternal, grateful and whole; armed with everything that I could possibly need. so much so that I don’t need to even go back from where I came from.
enjoy this day