30 days and counting

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sometimes it is delicate, other times it is peaceful…but mostly it is messy

makeup can change your life.

makeup can change your life?

who you show up as can change your life

moving along the inquiry of showing up ‘as i am,’ as well as ‘who i am’ has been a challenging feat. i never realized how much i hid myself, how much i distracted people from hearing me, seeing me and to be honest, loving me.

when i first started to get serious about the ‘no makeup’ challenge i asked people what they thought about it, if they wanted to join or what it would mean to even consider it.  i got a lot of responses sounding like ‘no way! i could never!!’ (gasp). i even had someone tell me that wearing makeup wasn’t about being vain or pretty, it was more about looking presentable.  (insert my heartbreaking sounds of compassion and placing my hand over my heart), do people really speak to themselves in this way?

i know it may sound weird to do a ‘challenge’ of no makeup for 30 days, sounds like a pinterest idea, but for me, it is much more than that.  it was an incredible teacher that forced me to see me for ME!  it forced me to get comfortable being uncomfortable. it allowed me to rid myself of the ‘i’m tired today, that is why i look this way,’ story.  time and time again people told me that they didn’t think i needed makeup, which was generous and i now realize even true, but the real guts of the challenge was really allowing myself to be able to speak that same statement with confidence.

two weeks in i realized that there were many stories tied up in the why’s of wearing makeup.

at 7am when i would leave my house, i entered into my day with confidence.  i approached people, put my best foot forward and really showed up, based on my outward appearance.  come 7pm while teaching a class, i guided, shared, and showed up armored with this confidence; this confidence that i felt like makeup provided for me.  silly belief.  i believed that the same concealer or blush i put on at 7am, was still with me at 7pm. this belief provided me the confidence to approach people, introduce myself, make a real effort to show up as myself.  i was under the impression that without makeup this would all not be possible.

three weeks in i realized that there were even more beliefs tied up in the why’s of makeup.

beauty is skin deep?  how i take care of myself, even present myself, reflects who i am as a human?  i was unsure if this whole process was starting to jar my self-care regime or if i was simply entertaining myself. am i pretty? am i beautiful enough to not wear makeup? perhaps people are whispering, only waiting to tell me that i really should wear makeup; doubt began to enter into my mind.  my self-confidence was tangled up in swirling conversations that were not so kind.

a few weeks later, 30 days came and went and it felt natural and authentic to keep on going.  i have yet to change anything within my practice around this. i am unsure where the next level of beliefs will lead me, but for right now showing up as me, is enough, it is way more than enough.

41 days and counting, kinda feels like forever already

gratitude is always present

i am always trying to find ways to be more curious, to peel back more layers and surrender to any form of tension.

gripping my hand held shut, tensing my shoulders or even my heart.

what a journey this is.

enjoy THIS day

~screaming gratitude

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